Family therapy is a way to help families improve their relationships and work through problems together. One type of therapy that is used to help families is called Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT). This therapy helps families understand their emotions, connect better with each other, and improve communication. In this blog, we’ll explore the first stage of EFFT: Stabilization.
We’ll also take a look at the next two stages and how they help families improve their relationships in the long term.
Stage 1: Stabilization – Understanding the Problem
The first stage of EFFT is called Stabilization. This stage focuses on helping the family understand the problem and why it keeps happening. When a family comes to therapy, they may be facing issues like constant fighting, emotional distance, or feelings of misunderstanding. The goal in this stage is to help the therapist assess how each family member sees the problem, validate their feelings, and identify unhealthy interaction patterns.
Key Tasks of Stage 1
Assess Family Dynamics The therapist listens to each family member to understand how they see the situation. For example, a teenager might feel like their parents are too controlling, while the parents might think the teenager is being rebellious. The therapist helps both sides see each other’s point of view.
Validate Everyone’s View Validation means telling people that their feelings are real and important. It doesn’t mean agreeing with everything, but it’s about understanding each person’s feelings. For example, a parent may feel frustrated because their child refuses to do their homework. Meanwhile, the child might feel stressed or overwhelmed by the work. Both feelings are real, and the therapist helps each person see this.
Identify Negative Interaction Patterns (or "Dance") Negative patterns, also known as "dances," happen when family members react to each other in unhelpful ways. For example, a parent may yell when their child doesn’t listen, and the child might respond by shutting down or acting out. These patterns create a cycle of conflict. The therapist works to help the family see this cycle and understand how it keeps repeating itself.
Goal: Reframe the Problem
The main goal in the Stabilization stage is to help the family understand that the problem doesn’t come from one person’s actions alone. Instead, it comes from a disconnection between family members. By framing the problem as a connection issue, rather than blaming any one person, the family can work together to fix it.
Stage 2: Restructuring Attachment – Strengthening the Bond
Once the family has a better understanding of the problem, the next stage is Restructuring Attachment. This stage focuses on helping parents and children build stronger, more connected relationships. A lot of family problems come from the fear of being rejected or not feeling supported by each other. The goal of this stage is to address those fears and help family members connect on a deeper emotional level.
Key Tasks of Stage 2
Explore Attachment Emotions Attachment emotions are deep feelings that come from the need to feel loved, safe, and supported. For example, a teenager might act out because they’re afraid their parents don’t care about them, or a parent might become frustrated because they feel like they’re failing their child. In therapy, family members explore these deeper emotions and try to understand them.
Help Parents Respond with Empathy Parents often get frustrated when their children act out, but the therapist helps them respond with empathy. Instead of reacting with anger or control, parents are taught to respond with understanding. For example, if a child is struggling in school, instead of punishing them, the parent might ask how they can help or what the child needs to feel supported.
Regulate Emotions Sometimes, when a parent or child is upset, it can be hard to have a productive conversation. In this stage, the therapist helps family members learn how to regulate their emotions, meaning how to calm themselves down when they’re feeling angry or upset. When emotions are under control, it’s easier to connect with each other and solve problems together.
Allow for Emotional Vulnerability One of the most important tasks in this stage is to help family members open up about their vulnerabilities. A parent who is afraid their child will grow up and leave them might act over-controlling. By recognizing this fear, the parent can learn to respond with more understanding and less control. Similarly, a child who feels rejected might act out in ways that push their parents away. Therapy helps both sides express these fears and learn how to respond in ways that promote connection.
Goal: Build Secure Connections
The goal of this stage is for parents and children to build a secure and empathic connection. When both sides understand each other’s emotions and respond with empathy, they create a stronger bond. This helps reduce conflict and promotes more positive interactions in the future.
Stage 3: Consolidating Changes – Strengthening New Patterns
The final stage of EFFT is Consolidating Changes. In this stage, the focus is on strengthening the changes made in the previous stages and making them last. The therapist helps the family reflect on their progress and create new family rituals that support cooperation and emotional safety.
Key Tasks of Stage 3
Reflect on Progress The therapist encourages family members to think about how far they’ve come. This might include recognizing how their communication has improved or how they now respond to difficult situations with more understanding.
Create New Family Rituals Family rituals are activities that help reinforce positive behavior and emotional safety. For example, a family might start having a weekly check-in where everyone shares how they’re feeling. These new rituals help build trust and cooperation over time.
Celebrate Positive Cycles A positive cycle is when family members respond to each other in healthy, supportive ways. For example, instead of arguing, a parent and child might calmly discuss a problem and come up with a solution together. Celebrating these positive cycles helps reinforce the new patterns of communication.
Solve Problems Cooperatively One of the most important outcomes of this stage is that family members learn to solve problems cooperatively, rather than reacting with anger or blame. For example, if a child refuses to get up for school, the parent might calmly discuss the situation and set boundaries in a non-anxious way, rather than getting upset.
Goal: Build Long-Term Cooperation
The goal of the Consolidation stage is for families to move away from reactive conflict and toward cooperative problem-solving. By this point, family members have developed more empathy, emotional regulation, and healthier communication habits. This leads to a more peaceful and connected family environment.
Conclusion
Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) helps families strengthen their relationships by addressing deep emotional needs and improving communication. The three stages of EFFT – Stabilization, Restructuring Attachment, and Consolidating Changes – provide a roadmap for families to move from conflict to cooperation. With the help of a therapist, families can break negative patterns, build stronger emotional connections, and create healthier ways of interacting with one another. Whether dealing with everyday struggles or more serious issues, EFFT can help families reconnect and thrive.
Resources: Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, couples, and Families
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