Turning Shame into Strength: A Simple Guide to ACT for Everyday Life

Emily Jiang
Sep 11
4 min read

Have you ever felt shame, guilt, or anger and didn’t know how to handle it? Maybe these emotions made you withdraw, avoid people, or stop doing things you care about. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), these emotions are not “bad” or “wrong” in themselves. They only become problematic when they start to interfere with your ability to live a rich, meaningful, and fulfilling life. ACT teaches that instead of fighting or ignoring these feelings, you can notice them, accept them, and act in ways that align with your values. This approach helps you regain control, reduce self-defeating behaviors, and reconnect with the things that truly matter to you. In this blog, we will explore practical ACT strategies to handle shame, guilt, and anger, so you can respond mindfully and live more fully, even when difficult emotions appear in your everyday life.

What Makes an Emotion Problematic?

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an emotion does not become problematic simply because it exists. Emotions like shame, guilt, anger, anxiety, or sadness are natural parts of being human. They only become a problem when they start to pull you away from the life you want to live. For example, these emotions may stop you from spending time with loved ones, focusing on important tasks, or enjoying activities that bring meaning and happiness to your life.

ACT helps people understand how emotions affect their behavior by looking at away moves and towards moves. Away moves are the actions you take to avoid or escape from the emotion. This could include withdrawing from friends or family, avoiding situations that feel uncomfortable, procrastinating at work or school, distracting yourself with unnecessary activities, or isolating yourself. These behaviors might give temporary relief, but over time, they prevent you from living fully and achieving what you truly care about.

Towards moves are the actions you could take if the emotion didn’t control you. These might involve reconnecting with loved ones, pursuing personal goals, facing challenges, engaging in meaningful hobbies, volunteering, or taking steps toward self-improvement. Towards moves are guided by your values, helping you focus on what really matters in life rather than what your emotions are pushing you away from.

To make these patterns easier to see, ACT uses a tool called the Choice Point. The Choice Point helps separate your thoughts and feelings from your actions, making it clear that emotions like “depression” or “shame” are not the problem themselves. The real issue lies in the away moves that follow, which block you from living a rich, meaningful life. By noticing these patterns and choosing more towards moves, you can make mindful, values-guided decisions and regain control over how you respond to difficult emotions.

Fusion, Avoidance, and Unworkable Actions

Three elements often make emotions feel out of control:

1. Fusion: When thoughts and feelings feel like facts. For shame, this can mean ruminating about the past, fearing future judgment, or harsh self-criticism like “I am bad.”

2. Experiential Avoidance: Trying to get rid of uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, or bodily sensations. People may self-isolate, use substances, or avoid challenges.

3. Unworkable Actions: Behaviors that interfere with living a meaningful life. For shame, this might include avoiding important people, withdrawing from events, or ruminating endlessly.

ACT teaches that even emotions like guilt or anger can be helpful or harmful, depending on how you respond to them.

Learning from the Past and Present Functions of Shame

Understanding why shame exists can help reduce its power:

Past functions: Shame may have once helped you avoid punishment, get support, or make sense of difficult experiences. For example, looking down or withdrawing may have kept you safe in childhood.

Present costs: Today, shame often blocks you from doing what matters, like forming relationships, pursuing goals, or enjoying life.

Therapists can use this understanding to motivate clients to learn new skills for handling shame effectively.

Practical ACT Strategies for Shame

1. Noticing and Naming

Clients first notice their thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judging them. Examples:

“Here is shame.”
“I’m noticing self-judgment.”

This is called defusion, helping the client see thoughts as just thoughts, not truths.

2. Acceptance

Clients are guided to allow the emotions to be present rather than fighting them. Techniques include grounding, “dropping anchor,” and observing posture.

3. Inner-Child Imagery

Clients imagine comforting a younger version of themselves, especially after trauma or neglect. This fosters self-compassion and reduces the power of shame.

4. Acting with Values

Even when shame is present, clients can act in line with their values:

Setting goals
Practicing mindfulness
Improving relationships
Engaging in meaningful activities

5. Urge Surfing

When strong urges arise (like withdrawal or harmful behaviors), clients surf the urge—watch it rise and fall without acting on it—using mindfulness and acceptance.

Self-as-Context and Using Shame Wisely

ACT teaches that there is a part of you that notices emotions, thoughts, and sensations—this part is unchanging. By stepping back, clients can see that shame is not who they are.

Shame can even become a guide:

What matters to you?
What values do you want to live by?
What actions align with those values?

This allows shame to motivate meaningful action, rather than stopping you in your tracks.

How Psychotherapy Can Help

ACT-based psychotherapy helps clients:

Understand why emotions feel strong and when they become problematic
Learn practical skills like defusion, acceptance, and self-compassion
Reconnect with values, guiding actions toward meaningful goals
Act flexibly even when shame, guilt, or anger appear
Reduce self-defeating behaviors by surfacing urges without giving in

With practice, clients discover that emotions no longer control their choices—they can act with purpose and clarity.

Conclusion / Takeaway / Wrap Up

In ACT, emotions like shame, guilt, or anger are not enemies. They only become difficult when they push you away from living a meaningful life. By noticing thoughts and feelings, accepting them, and acting according to your values, you can reduce the power of shame and use it as a guide for growth.

Remember: the goal isn’t to eliminate emotions, but to change the context in which they appear. With mindfulness, self-compassion, and values-guided action, even shame can become a teacher, helping you live a richer, more fulfilling life.