You help each other become a better person
You feel highly motivated to work towards whatever it is that makes you a better person. Maybe it's your career, your hobbies, your personality, or your school. This is because your partner gives you the genuine support that continually replenishes your motivational battery to keep working towards your goals. Your partner cares about your wants and is shown through their actions such as being with you, studying with you, giving you words of encouragement, or engaging the activity with you. Their undying support helps you stay eternally motivated to become your best self.
And this also applies the other way around - you also give your partner the energy, motivation, and courage to be the best! As a result, you and your partner thrive individually and as a couple together. You see yourselves improving and getting closer to your goals.
Your partner and you have seen each other's worst, and you still love them the same
Instead of feeling repelled, you want to help your partner through their worst time to get them back on their feet. You recognize that their worst is also a part of them and you love them just the same.
Same thing is applied the other way around too! When you are at your worst, your partner simply wants to help you through your worst times rather than push you away.
You both solve problems collaboratively and grow from it
Whenever there is a problem, the situation is resolved in respect to each other's needs. No one is completely yielding and no one is a stubborn rock. No one is evaluated by percentages on right versus wrong. No one is left feeling that nothing got resolved. Both parties gave equal efforts to resolve issues in a way that is congruent to the values that was built between the both of you.
Through these conflicts and re-connection, you both learned to grow.
You fulfill each other's values and relationship needs
Everyone has their needs and values in a relationship. There are fundamental ones such as trust, communication, and security. On the other hand, there are other values and needs are unique to each individual like health, family, organization, freedom. They key thing is that you and your partner's values are being fulfilled, leaving you both satisfied and secure in the relationship. I like to use the word "fulfilled" more than "meet" because the word "meet" sounds like your partner is simply meeting the bare minimum, while fulfilling your values and needs ensure happiness.
You feel safe and grounded in the relationship you're in
When you feel threatened at work, stressed from school, or had a fight with a friend, you know you can always come back to your partner to because your partner provides a safe and comforting environment who lets you be who you want to be. You can express your frustrations and emotions freely where you won't be judged. You know you will be listened to and your feelings are fully validated. Your partner not only provides you a safe space, but she/he also increases your resilience to life stressors.
Your partner also come to you when there are frustrations and you invite them with open arms.
You just "know" it
Your gut feeling just tells you that this person is the right one for you. You know you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. As cheesy as it sounds, there is a driving force gravitating you towards this person. If this continues to persist even after the honeymoon phase, this person could be a keeper!
About The Author
Jasmine Tsang is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) under the College of Registered Psychotherapist Ontario (CRPO) and the founder of Reflections Therapy. She specializes in providing counselling services for people facing challenges in their adulthood such as relationships, self-esteem issues, school & career stressors, anxiety, and depression. For more information about Jasmine, click here to read her bio.