Getting to Know Your True Self with IFS

Chris Zhang
Aug 9
4 min read

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is based on a powerful idea: inside each of us is a Self — the calm, wise, confident part of who we are. It’s the part that stays steady no matter what life throws at us.

Think of your Self as your inner compass. Even when you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or unsure, your Self is still there — relaxed, open, and ready to guide you. Some people think of it as your true nature, or even your spiritual center.

What Makes the Self So Special?

Your Self is the one part of you that never changes. While different "parts" of you might come up depending on the situation — like the part that wants to please others, or the one that tries to protect you by keeping emotions in check — your core Self is always the same.

In IFS, we work to help your Self become the leader of your inner world. With this inner leadership, you can help your parts feel safe, let go of painful baggage, and take on new roles that feel more helpful and supportive.

What Is IFS Therapy Helpful For?

IFS can be helpful for just about anyone — whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship struggles, or just trying to better understand yourself.

It’s often used to support people through things like:

Panic or anxiety
Trauma and past hurt
Relationship issues
Low self-esteem or body image concerns
Addictive behaviors
Depression or mood swings
Personality and sexual concerns

IFS helps by getting to know the different parts of yourself — especially the ones that feel stuck, scared, or overloaded — and helping them feel more understood and supported.

How Can Psychotherapy Help?

Therapy gives you a safe space to slow down and really listen to what’s going on inside. A good therapist will help you explore your thoughts and feelings without judgment, and guide you toward understanding the “why” behind your emotional reactions.

Through therapy, you can:

Build more self-awareness
Feel more in control of your emotions
Improve your relationships
Heal from painful memories
Gain tools to manage stress and anxiety

When you feel seen and supported, change becomes possible — and your relationship with yourself starts to shift in a deep and meaningful way.

What Does IFS Therapy Look Like?

IFS is a type of talk therapy — but it’s not just about talking. It’s about getting to know your inner world in a whole new way.

At first, your therapist may help you notice parts of yourself that feel loud or pushy — like the part that criticizes you or the one that tries to keep everyone happy.

From there, you’ll start to understand how your parts interact with each other, and how they’ve been trying to protect you (even if it doesn’t always feel that way).

Over time, your therapist may invite you to do things like:

Keep a journal to track your parts
Draw maps or diagrams of your inner world
Try gentle visualizations, like imagining a peaceful place where you can meet your parts

All of this helps you connect more deeply with yourself — and begin healing the parts of you that are carrying heavy burdens from the past.

Healing with the Help of Your Self

One of the most beautiful things about IFS is that you are the healer. Your therapist is there to guide and support you, but it’s your own Self that has the power to help your parts feel safe, loved, and heard.

As you build trust with your parts, they can start to let go of pain, fear, and old roles that no longer serve you. That’s when real transformation happens — and your inner world becomes a calmer, more connected place.

Is IFS Backed by Research?

Yes! In 2015, IFS was officially listed as an evidence-based therapy — meaning research shows it can really help people. It’s been used successfully with individuals, couples, and families dealing with a wide range of issues.

Like any approach, IFS has had some controversy in the past, mostly around older techniques that tried to recover hidden memories. These are no longer part of mainstream IFS, and most therapists today don’t use them. The focus now is on healing in the present, not digging for forgotten experiences.

The Importance of a Good Therapist

For IFS to really work, it’s important to work with a therapist who knows how to help you connect with your Self. A good therapist won’t try to control the process — they’ll walk beside you, gently guiding you toward understanding and healing.

It’s also important that your therapist has done their own inner work. Therapists have parts too, and when they’re aware of them, they’re better able to support you in your journey.

In a Nutshell

Internal Family Systems therapy offers a new way to understand yourself — not as broken or flawed, but as someone with a whole system of inner parts that are trying to help, even if they’re struggling.

With time, support, and curiosity, IFS helps you reconnect with your true Self, and bring peace and balance to your inner world.

Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, trauma, or just feeling stuck, IFS can help you come home to yourself — one part at a time.

References

Gillette, Hope. “The Self and the Parts: How Ifs Therapy Approaches The Mind.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 7 Dec. 2021, psychcentral.com/health/internal-family-systems-therapy.