How Do I Know If My Partner Is My Soulmate? A Real Talk on Love, Chemistry & Commitment

Jessica Sukhu
May 30
4 min read

By: Jessica Sukhu

Let’s take a trip down memory lane. Remember your first real crush? The one that made your stomach flip and your diary pages sizzle? For some of us, it was a teen heartthrob plastered on our bedroom walls. That young, fluttery obsession felt so real—it had to mean something deep, right?

Well... maybe not. But the emotions? They were completely valid—and they shaped how many of us think about love and soulmates today.

So the real question is: Is finding your soulmate actually possible? And if it is, how do you know when you’ve found "The One"?

👇 Watch this video for a heartfelt take on this journey of love and discovery:🎥 How Do I Know If My Partner Is My Soulmate?

The Myth of the Missing Half

Let’s start by busting a common myth: that there's one perfect person out there who completes you. This idea, popularized by an ancient Greek play, says that humans were once whole but were split apart, and now we’re all just wandering around trying to find our other half.

In reality, healthy relationships aren’t about completing each other—they’re about growing together, sometimes imperfectly, through the rollercoaster of life.

The Soulmate Trap

Many of us carry around what therapists call a "soulmate template"—a mental checklist of the qualities our perfect person should have. The problem? No real human can match the fantasy. This leads to disappointment, disconnection, and sometimes even the breakdown of a relationship that was actually pretty solid.

So how can we get real about love and soulmates?

It helps to understand that relationships don’t stay in one emotional phase forever. They evolve. Let’s break love down into three stages, and explore what “soulmate” might mean in each.

1. The Infatuation Phase – “I FOUND my soulmate!”

Falling in love feels amazing. You’re high on a heady cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, and novelty. You’re staying up late texting, and imagining a future that’s basically a rom-com montage.

There’s even science that says the scent of your partner plays a role in this bonding. One study found that women were more attracted to the natural scent of men with different immune systems. Another showed that smelling a partner’s worn shirt could reduce stress.

But this “honeymoon phase” doesn’t last forever—usually 18 to 24 months. After that? Real life starts to kick in. And you might begin to wonder, “Wait… is this really my soulmate?”

2. The Marriage Inc. Phase – “You’re NOT my soulmate”

Welcome to what we might call “Love: The Administrative Years.”

This is where the passion takes a backseat to responsibilities: bills, kids, house repairs, meetings, and school pickups. Ultimately, partners start to feel more like roommates than lovers.

This is the stage where many people panic. “If I don’t feel butterflies anymore, maybe I picked the wrong person.” That’s when the ghost of the soulmate fantasy reappears, whispering that someone else might be a better fit.

But here’s the truth: most couples hit this point. It’s not a sign of doom—it’s a sign that it’s time to shift from passive love to active love. This is the moment to ask, "How can we reconnect? How can we invest in each other again?"

3. The Inspired Love Phase – “We’ve BECOME soulmates”

This final phase is where the magic really happens—not because everything is perfect, but because you’ve chosen to love and grow with someone through the imperfections.

Inspired love is built, not found. It happens when partners shift from “What am I getting out of this?” to “What can I give to us?” It’s about understanding that your partner isn’t your savior, your answer, or your missing half. But they’re your teammate, your confidante, your witness through life.

It’s not always sexy or dramatic—but it is soulful. And in that deep, hard-earned connection, you might just realize you’ve become each other’s soulmates after all.

So...Is My Partner My Soulmate?

Maybe they are. Maybe they’re not. Maybe it’s not about finding the right person at all—but becoming the right partner for each other.

In this video, the speaker shares a story of her first date with her husband and contrasts it with the date they were on years later, a moment crafted not by infatuation, but by intentional, inspired love. It’s a touching reminder that real soulmates aren’t discovered by fate—they’re created by choice, over time.

Final Thoughts

You Can Fall in Love Again—with the One You’re Already With

Your childhood crush may not have ended up being your soulmate, however, your partner may see your soul, flaws and all, and chooses to love you anyway. That’s not magic—it’s commitment. And that kind of love? It’s better than any teen dream.

So instead of chasing the myth of the perfect person, try building something even better: a love that lasts, adapts, and inspires. The kind of love where, through all the messiness of life, you choose each other again and again.

Because maybe, just maybe, the real soulmate is the one who stays.

What stage are you and your partner in? What does being soulmates mean to you?

References

Resource: How Do I Know If My Partner Is My Soulmate? By: Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D

Publisher: The Gottman Institute