Improving Self-Esteem: Accepting Yourself and Recognizing Your Positive Qualities

Low self-esteem can feel like walking through life with a heavy filter—one that highlights everything you think is “wrong” with you while dimming or erasing your strengths. Even when you try to challenge a negative thought, it may feel like the positive side of you is out of reach, blurry, or insignificant.

In earlier steps of improving self-esteem, you may have already learned how to identify and challenge your negative self-evaluations. But real, lasting change also requires building the opposite skill: learning to acknowledge your strengths, appreciate your good qualities, and treat yourself with the same kindness you offer others.

This module focuses on exactly that—how to notice, record, and strengthen the positive aspects of who you are. These practices help rebalance your self-view and lay the groundwork for genuinely healthy self-esteem.

Why Accepting Yourself Matters

Low self-esteem thrives on imbalance. You might remember every mistake you’ve made, but forget moments where you showed courage, generosity, resilience, or skill. Or you may feel uncomfortable acknowledging anything positive about yourself, believing it’s boastful or unearned.

But acknowledging your good qualities isn’t arrogance. It’s accuracy.

Building balanced self-evaluations means:

• Noticing your strengths

• Giving equal weight to your efforts and achievements

• Treating yourself as someone who deserves happiness, rest, and enjoyment

• Recognizing that you are more than your flaws or struggles

This module shows you how to shift your attention so that positives become just as visible as negatives—and eventually, easier to believe.

Focusing on the Positive You

Before reading any further, imagine someone asked you to list a few of your positive qualities. How easy would that be?

For many people with low self-esteem, this simple exercise feels uncomfortable or even impossible. If you struggle to recall strengths, there are usually two main reasons:

1. Filtering Out the Positives

Low self-esteem often comes with a mental filter that highlights negative information and discards positive experiences. You may remember an awkward mistake you made years ago, yet forget a dozen examples of you being kind, capable, or thoughtful.

2. Feeling Uncomfortable with Positivity

Others may know they have positive traits, but feel ashamed saying them aloud. Thoughts like, “It feels conceited,” or “I shouldn’t praise myself” can block recognition of strengths.

No matter which category you fall into, this module invites you to try something new: acknowledge the positives fairly and openly. Recognizing your strengths doesn’t inflate your ego—it restores balance to the way you see yourself.

Step 1: Creating Your Positive Qualities Record

The first exercise is simple but powerful: write down your positive qualities. Not just one or two—write as many as you can.

This may feel uncomfortable, but keep going. Every small strength counts.

Tips for Completing Your Positive Qualities Record

✔ Set aside dedicated time.Don’t rush through this or do it “in passing.” Give it the attention it deserves.

✔ Write them down somewhere permanent.Use a notebook, journal, or designated worksheet so the list doesn’t get lost.

✔ Brainstorm freely.List skills, personality traits, small acts of kindness, achievements, abilities, or challenges you’ve overcome.

✔ Invite support.If you feel comfortable, ask a trusted friend or family member what they see in you. They may notice strengths you overlook.

✔ Watch out for negative filters.If you hear thoughts like, “This doesn’t count,” or “I don’t deserve to write that,” gently remind yourself: You deserve fairness.

✔ Revisit the list regularly.Reading it often helps the positives “sink in” and counterbalance old negative beliefs.

Helpful Prompts

To get started, ask yourself:

• What do others appreciate about me?

• What qualities do I admire in others that I also share?

• What challenges have I overcome?

• What am I good at—practically, emotionally, socially?

• What small acts did I do today that reflect kindness, resilience, discipline, or effort?

• If someone I cared about had my qualities, what would I admire in them?

You might be surprised at how much is there once you start looking.

Step 2: Building Your “Positive You Journal”

Once you’ve listed your positive traits, the next step is making them real by grounding each one in evidence. This happens in two parts:

Part 1 — Remember Past Examples

For each trait on your list, recall specific times when you demonstrated that quality.

Example:

Quality: Considerate

1. I brought flowers to my friend when they were unwell.

2. I listened to a colleague who was having a hard day.

3. I helped my brother when he needed financial support.

These examples add emotional weight to the qualities, making them harder for your inner critic to dismiss.

Part 2 — Notice Daily Examples

Now that you’ve revisited past evidence, your next task is to catch yourself being positive today.

Each day, write down at least three examples of your positive qualities in action.

Example:

Tue 5/7

• Mopped the floors → House proud

• Finished a work project → Diligent

• Played with the kids → Fun and loving

This daily journaling practice trains your brain to notice the positives in real time. Over days and weeks, you’ll have tangible proof of your strengths—proof that counters old, unbalanced self-beliefs.

Step 3: Acting Like the Positive You

It’s not enough to recognize your strengths on paper—you must also treat yourself in ways that reflect your worth.

People with low self-esteem often:

• Do very few enjoyable activities

• Deny themselves rest or rewards

• Avoid pursuits they might actually love

• Downplay achievements

• Withdraw from life

This reinforces the belief that they’re undeserving.

To break the cycle, you need to add pleasure and achievement back into your life.

Why Pleasure and Achievement Matter

Doing enjoyable or meaningful activities increases:

• Confidence

• Self-worth

• A sense of accomplishment

• Mood and motivation

• Resilience

These experiences directly oppose the feelings of inadequacy that keep self-esteem low.

Step 4: Track Your Week

Use a weekly schedule to record your activities and rate each one for:

• Pleasure (0–10)

• Achievement (0–10)

This helps you see patterns:

• Are you doing almost nothing enjoyable?

• Are you completing tasks but not acknowledging them?

• Is your week empty, repetitive, overwhelming, or unbalanced?

Awareness always comes before change.

Step 5: Add Fun and Achievement Activities

Once you know what your week looks like, you can intentionally add activities that bring joy or accomplishment.

Choose a few items from the activities list—or think of your own—and schedule them. Start small. You’re building a new habit, not running a marathon.

Examples:

• Enjoyable: sitting by the river, cooking your favorite meal, journaling, calling a friend

• Achievement-based: cleaning one area of a room, organizing your budget, completing a work task

Track how you feel before and after to reinforce the benefits.

Step 6: Start Small and Build Gradually

When you’re used to neglecting yourself, adding activities can feel overwhelming. Negative thoughts may surface:

• “I don’t deserve this.”

• “It won’t help.”

• “It’s too hard.”

• “I won’t enjoy it.”

Start with manageable steps. You wouldn’t run a marathon without training—you’d begin with short jogs, then increase gradually. The same principle applies to rebuilding your self-esteem.

Small actions create momentum. The goal is doing, not perfection.

Module Summary

To accept yourself, you must:

• Acknowledge your positive qualities

• Record and reflect on them regularly

• Notice examples of your strengths in daily life

• Increase pleasure and achievement to build a healthier, kinder, more balanced self-view

This module helps break the mental habits that keep self-esteem stuck in the negative.

How Psychotherapy Helps in the Process of Accepting Yourself

While self-help tools like this module are powerful, psychotherapy can significantly strengthen and accelerate the process of self-acceptance. Here’s how:

1. Therapists Help You Identify Hidden Strengths

People with low self-esteem often struggle to recognize their strengths. A therapist can help you uncover qualities you overlook, and reflect them back to you in a validating, balanced way.

2. Therapy Challenges Internalized Negative Beliefs

Through approaches like CBT, schema therapy, or compassion-focused therapy, a therapist helps you:

• Question distorted self-judgments

• Challenge the automatic negativity bias

• Develop healthier and more realistic beliefs about yourself

These shifts support your ability to accept your strengths without guilt or discomfort.

3. Therapists Help You Build Self-Compassion

Self-acceptance requires kindness toward oneself—a skill many people with low self-esteem never learned. Therapy teaches:

• Gentle self-talk

• Emotional soothing techniques

• Compassionate perspectives

• How to respond to mistakes without self-attack

Developing compassion is a cornerstone of accepting yourself fully.

4. Therapy Provides Accountability and Structure

Your therapist helps you:

• Maintain your Positive Qualities Record

• Practice daily examples

• Track activities

• Adjust strategies when needed

• Stay consistent even when motivation dips

This makes real change more achievable.

5. Therapists Support You in Taking Positive Action

Some people need help planning and scheduling enjoyable or meaningful activities. Therapists offer guidance, encouragement, and problem-solving support so you can take steps toward a happier, more engaged life.

6. Therapy Makes Self-Acceptance Feel Safe

Many people avoid acknowledging their strengths because it feels vulnerable. Therapy provides a supportive environment where you can explore your qualities openly without fear of judgment or rejection.

Final Thought

Accepting yourself is not a one-time event—it is a practice, a habit, and ultimately a mindset. With the right tools and support, you can learn to see yourself more clearly, treat yourself more kindly, and embody the truth that you are worthy of respect, love, joy, and growth.

If you'd like, I can create Module 7 as a blog, format this into a downloadable guide, or turn the worksheets into printable templates.

Reference: http://www.cci.health.gov.au/