Understanding Low Self-Esteem: What It Is, How It Affects Us, and How We Can Change It

Every person, at some point, experiences moments of doubt—times when confidence dips, mistakes feel heavier than they should, or we become overly critical of ourselves. This is a normal part of being human. But when negative thoughts about yourself become persistent, deep-rooted, and hard to challenge, they can evolve into something more serious: low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem is not just about having a bad day or feeling insecure once in a while. It is a persistent pattern of seeing oneself in a negative, unfavorable light. For many people, this pattern influences daily choices, relationships, emotions, and overall quality of life. Understanding what low self-esteem is—and how it develops—is the first step toward overcoming it.

In this article, we’ll explore what self-esteem really means, what low self-esteem can look like, how it impacts different areas of life, and why some people struggle with it more than others.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Before examining low self-esteem, it’s important to understand the concept of self-esteem itself.

Self-esteem refers to:

• How we view ourselves

• What we believe about our abilities

• The value we place on ourselves as individuals

This idea overlaps with other terms you may have heard—self-image, self-perception, and self-concept—all of which relate to how we see and think about ourselves.

Humans have the unique ability to reflect on themselves and assign worth. We don’t simply exist—we evaluate. And this ability, while useful, is often what opens the door to negative self-judgments.

Self-esteem can be positive, balanced, or negative, depending on how we interpret and value our strengths, weaknesses, and experiences.

What Is Low Self-Esteem?

Everyone occasionally has thoughts like:

• “I messed up—I’m such an idiot.”

• “I can’t do this. I’m not good enough.”

• “I look terrible today.”

But when these beliefs become frequent, automatic, and deeply ingrained, they may reflect low self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem often carry basic, core beliefs such as:

• “I’m worthless.”

• “I’m unlovable.”

• “I’m a failure.”

• “I’m inferior to others.”

• “I’m flawed.”

These are not passing thoughts—they are perceived as facts, shaping how the person interprets life events.

Examples of low self-esteem self-talk include:

• “I get nervous when I talk to new people—I must be socially inept.”

• “I didn’t understand the lecture—everyone else is smarter than me.”

• “I’m overweight. I must be ugly.”

This negative lens becomes the default way of viewing oneself.

How Low Self-Esteem Affects Daily Life

Low self-esteem influences nearly every area of life. It affects how a person speaks, behaves, feels, and interacts with others.

1. Self-Criticism and Negative Self-Talk

People with low self-esteem often:

• Criticize themselves harshly

• Downplay achievements

• Focus mostly on mistakes

• Reject or dismiss compliments

• Fixate on weaknesses

• Feel guilt or shame about small slip-ups

Even when something goes well, they’re likely to say, “It was just luck,” or “Anyone could have done it.”

2. Emotional Impact

Low self-esteem is linked to:

• Sadness or depression

• Anxiety or nervousness

• Guilt

• Shame

• Frustration

• Anger

• Feeling overwhelmed

Over time, these emotional patterns can become exhausting and debilitating.

3. Avoidance of Challenges

Many people with low self-esteem hold themselves back because they fear failure, criticism, or embarrassment. This may lead to avoiding:

• New opportunities

• Social events

• Difficult conversations

• Learning new skills

• Activities involving judgment or evaluation

On the other end of the spectrum, some may overcompensate—working excessively hard to hide perceived inadequacies.

4. Relationships and Social Life

Low self-esteem often damages relationships.

People may:

• Feel devastated by criticism

• Constantly seek reassurance

• Struggle to express their needs

• Have difficulty with boundaries

• Feel unworthy of affection

• Avoid intimacy

• Tolerate mistreatment or abuse

• Withdraw socially

This can create a painful cycle: negative self-beliefs → unhealthy interactions → more negative self-beliefs.

5. Work and School Performance

A person with low self-esteem may:

• Achieve less than their actual ability

• Underestimate their skills

• Decline opportunities for advancement

• Overwork to compensate for perceived inadequacy

• Attribute success to luck rather than skill

Low self-confidence can make even capable, intelligent people feel like impostors.

6. Recreation and Self-Care

Low self-esteem affects how a person treats themselves.

They may:

• Believe they do not deserve pleasure or rest

• Avoid hobbies or sports

• Withdraw from activities they once enjoyed

Self-care habits may decline—neglecting grooming, exercise, or health. Others might go to the opposite extreme, over-focusing on appearance to hide perceived flaws.

Where Does Low Self-Esteem Come From?

Low self-esteem rarely comes out of nowhere. It may be:

(1) Part of a Current Mental Health Issue

For example, depression commonly includes negative self-beliefs like:

• Feeling worthless

• Feeling guilty or hopeless

• Seeing oneself in an unrealistically negative light

If someone has several symptoms of depression—low mood, lack of interest, sleep problems, fatigue, concentration difficulties, or thoughts of self-harm—professional support is essential.

(2) A Response to Long-Term Difficulties

Chronic stress can erode self-esteem over time. This includes:

• Financial hardship

• Ongoing illness

• Physical injury

• Chronic pain

• Relationship problems

• Persistent work or academic struggles

When challenges persist, people may begin to internalize failure or hopelessness.

(3) A Standalone Problem That Creates Other Risks

Even when life seems “fine,” low self-esteem can be a vulnerability factor—a background risk that can contribute to:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Social phobia

• Eating disorders

• Self-harm

• Perfectionism

If low self-esteem has contributed to issues in the past, it may do so again if left unaddressed.

Moving Forward: You Can Change Your Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is not a fixed trait. It is a learned way of thinking—and anything learned can be unlearned.

The full program this material comes from includes modules on:

1. How low self-esteem develops

2. How it is maintained

3. Biased expectations

4. Negative self-evaluation patterns

5. Building self-acceptance

6. Adjusting unhelpful rules and assumptions

7. Developing healthier core beliefs

8. Creating long-term, balanced self-esteem

Working through these steps gradually creates real, lasting change.

How Psychotherapy Helps with Low Self-Esteem

Therapy is one of the most effective ways to address low self-esteem because it targets the problem from multiple angles—thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and beliefs.

Here’s how psychotherapy helps:

1. Identifying Deep-Rooted Core Beliefs

Therapists help uncover the subconscious beliefs that drive low self-esteem, such as:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “I always fail.”

• “I don’t deserve love.”

Once identified, these beliefs can finally be challenged and replaced with healthier ones.

2. Correcting Cognitive Distortions

Low self-esteem often involves distorted thinking, including:

• All-or-nothing thinking

• Mind reading

• Catastrophizing

• Overgeneralization

• Focusing only on negatives

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches you how to recognize and change these patterns.

3. Building Self-Compassion

Many people with low self-esteem speak to themselves more harshly than they ever would to others. Therapy helps develop:

• Kindness toward oneself

• A balanced view of strengths and weaknesses

• Emotional resilience

• Acceptance rather than self-punishment

4. Improving Emotional Regulation

Low self-esteem can lead to intense shame, worry, sadness, or anger. Therapy provides strategies to manage these emotions constructively.

5. Strengthening Communication and Boundaries

If low self-esteem affects relationships, therapy can help you:

• Assert your needs

• Create healthier boundaries

• Reduce people-pleasing

• Build confidence in social interactions

6. Reducing Avoidance and Building Confidence

Therapists use gentle, structured approaches to help people:

• Face fears

• Break avoidance cycles

• Try new skills

• Experience success and internalize it

This gradually rebuilds confidence.

7. Supporting Long-Term Growth

Therapy offers a safe, consistent place to:

• Practice new habits

• Review progress

• Navigate setbacks

• Stay accountable

• Continue building healthier self-esteem over time

Final Thoughts

Low self-esteem can feel overwhelming, but it is changeable. Whether through structured self-help modules or professional psychotherapy, you can learn new ways of thinking, rebuild confidence, and develop a healthier, more balanced sense of self.

You deserve to feel worthy, capable, and enough—just as you are. And with the right tools and support, you can get there.

Reference: http://www.cci.health.gov.au/