Practicing Radical Acceptance: Letting Go of the Fight

Chris Zhang
Aug 23
3 min read

When we’re overwhelmed by intense negative emotions, our first reaction is often to push back. We might feel angry, upset, or blame the situation—or even blame ourselves. Some of us turn that judgment inward, focusing on all the things we think are wrong with us. Others may direct it outward, feeling bitter or resentful toward people or circumstances. But no matter where we place the blame, the pain remains.

Often, we find ourselves stuck in the past—replaying events, wishing they hadn’t happened, and struggling with the fact that we can’t change them. This kind of mental tug-of-war only deepens our suffering.

Radical acceptance offers a different way forward. It means fully acknowledging reality as it is—without denial, resistance, or judgment. It’s not about approval or resignation; it’s about recognizing what we cannot change and choosing to stop fighting against it. This includes painful emotions, past experiences, or difficult circumstances. By learning to accept what is, we give ourselves the chance to let go of bitterness and create space for healing, growth, and peace.

How to Practice Radical Acceptance

Step 1: Identify an Event That’s Hard to Accept

Think of an important event in your life that still causes you pain or emotional distress. It might be something ongoing or a regret from the past that you revisit often. Choose something that matters, but isn't overwhelming.

Tip: If you’ve experienced a traumatic event, consider starting with a less emotionally charged situation. Building the muscle of acceptance takes practice, and it's okay to go slowly.

Step 2: Explore the Causes — Without Judgment

Reflect on the facts surrounding the event. Ask yourself: What led to this happening? Try to describe the situation without blaming yourself or others.

Instead of saying, “I was a loser,” or “They were just mean people,” focus on objective truths:

“I had different interests than most kids.”
“They may have lacked empathy or didn’t understand the harm they were causing.”

The goal here isn’t to deny pain, but to separate fact from judgment. When we stop telling ourselves harsh or biased stories about what happened, we can begin to relate to our experience with more clarity and compassion.

Step 3: Accept the Emotions That Come Up

As you think about the event, notice what emotions arise. Do you feel sadness, anger, shame, or something else? What physical sensations accompany these feelings — tightness in the chest, a lump in your throat, or maybe a sense of numbness?

Instead of pushing the emotions away or analyzing them, try simply naming and allowing them:

“This is anger.”“I feel tension in my chest.”“This is difficult, and that’s okay.”

By accepting your emotional responses rather than resisting them, you create space to process and eventually move through the pain.

Step 4: Create a Proactive Plan (If Needed)

Sometimes, acceptance is enough. But if the event still affects your daily life in an unhelpful way, you may want to make a plan for change.

Ask yourself:

What would healing look like in this area of my life?
What’s one small thing I could do differently next time I’m in a similar situation?

You can also draw on tools like the Wise Mind practice from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help balance logic and emotion in your decision-making.

Example:

Event: Being bullied in school and now feeling anxious around new people.
Causes: I didn’t fit in. The other kids were likely immature and didn’t understand the effect of their actions.
Feelings: I feel anger and frustration. I’m trying to accept these feelings instead of pushing them away.
Proactive Plan: I want to feel more confident socially. I’ll work on acknowledging my anxiety and continue conversations instead of shutting down or assuming people are judging me.

Using Coping Statements

When facing something difficult to accept, coping statements can help ground you in the present and remind you of what you can control.

Here are some helpful examples:

“The present moment is the only one I have control over.”
“Fighting my current emotions only strengthens them.”
“I cannot change what has happened in the past.”
“Although my emotions are uncomfortable, I will get through them.”
“I accept this moment as it is.”

Feel free to come up with your own. The goal is to gently redirect your mind away from judgment and toward a stance of compassionate acceptance.

Final Thoughts

Radical acceptance is not about liking what happened or giving up on change. It’s about letting go of the internal struggle against reality. When we stop resisting what is, we free ourselves to live more fully in the present — with less suffering and more peace.

Like any emotional skill, radical acceptance takes practice. Be patient with yourself as you learn. Every time you choose to face the truth of your experience without judgment, you’re taking a step toward emotional freedom.

References

Hani, C. S. (Ed.). (2024, September 11). Radical acceptance: Skills, worksheets, videos, exercises. Dialectical Behavior Therapy. https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/radical-acceptance/