Shifting Your Perspective: Breaking Free from Extreme Thinking
- Chris Zhang
- Jun 7
- 5 min read
We all have negative thoughts from time to time, and sometimes, they contain a grain of truth. Maybe you made a mistake at work, didn’t perform as well as you wanted on a test, or lost money in the stock market. But the real issue isn’t just the negative thought itself—it’s how extreme and overwhelming it can feel. Thoughts like “I can’t stand this,” “It’s all my fault,” or “This is awful” can make us feel like there’s no way out.
The key to feeling better is learning to put things in perspective. What seems unbearable today may feel much less intense with time. By challenging the way we think about our problems, we can start to see them in a more balanced way. Let’s explore some helpful techniques for shifting our perspective.
Reframing Self-Blame: The “Pie Chart” Exercise
When something goes wrong, it’s easy to think, “It’s all my fault.” Whether it’s a breakup, a missed job opportunity, or a work struggle, we tend to place 100% of the blame on ourselves. But life is rarely that simple. Many factors contribute to any given event, and learning to see them all can be incredibly freeing.
A great way to break out of this all-or-nothing thinking is the Pie Chart Exercise. Imagine that your situation is a pie, and each slice represents a different factor that contributed to what happened. Instead of assigning all of the blame to yourself, try dividing responsibility among the different causes. For example, if you didn’t get a job offer, other contributing factors might include competition, the interviewer’s preferences, or even sheer luck.
How to Try This:
Write down all possible causes of the situation, including external factors.
Assign a percentage to each cause (the total must add up to 100%).
See how much of the “pie” is really yours to carry.
Why It Helps: This exercise helps us step back and see the bigger picture. Often, we realize that we’ve been unfairly blaming ourselves and that there are many things outside of our control.
Seeing the Bigger Picture: The Sliding Scale Technique
When we feel anxious, depressed, or angry, we often think in black-and-white terms. A minor setback can suddenly feel like a catastrophe. For example, if a friend cancels plans, we might jump to the thought, “No one likes me,” instead of considering that they could be busy or tired.
The Sliding Scale Technique helps us see things in degrees rather than extremes. Imagine a scale from 0% to 100%, where 0% represents no problem at all and 100% is the absolute worst thing you can imagine. Then, place your current problem on the scale and compare it to other difficulties in life.
How to Try This:
Think about something upsetting you right now.
Rate how bad it feels on a scale from 0 to 100.
Compare it to more extreme situations (e.g., “Is this really as bad as losing my job?”).
Identify other events that fall in between to get a more balanced view.
Why It Helps: This technique shows us that while a problem may feel massive in the moment, it’s rarely as extreme as our emotions tell us. By placing it on a spectrum, we can reduce its power and regain a sense of control.
Focusing on What’s Still Within Reach
When something bad happens, it’s easy to get caught up in what’s lost. Whether it’s a breakup, a job loss, or a missed opportunity, we tend to focus only on what’s no longer available—ignoring all the things we can still do. But just because one door has closed doesn’t mean there aren’t others waiting to be opened.
A helpful way to shift focus is to ask yourself: “What can I still do?” Imagine going to a buffet, only to find that your favorite dish is unavailable. At first, you feel disappointed. But then, you notice there are many other delicious options. Life works the same way—when one thing is unavailable, there are always other possibilities to explore.
How to Try This:
List all the things you can still do despite your loss.
Think about activities, relationships, and future opportunities.
Identify small steps to start engaging in these things again.
Why It Helps: By shifting focus from loss to opportunity, we remind ourselves that life is full of possibilities. A breakup may hurt, but it also creates space for new friendships, hobbies, and experiences. A job loss can be tough, but it might open the door to a better opportunity.
Expanding Your Options: Thinking Beyond “All or Nothing”
Sometimes, we get stuck in rigid thinking, believing that there’s only one way forward. If we don’t get the outcome we expected, we assume all hope is lost. But what if we took a step back and explored other possibilities?
One way to do this is through Exploring Alternative Paths. This means thinking about different ways a situation could play out—rather than locking ourselves into just one negative expectation. For example, if you’re worried about failing a test, consider other perspectives: What if you pass? What if you do poorly but can retake it? What if the test doesn’t define your success?
How to Try This:
Think about the worst-case scenario that’s worrying you.
Now, consider other possible outcomes—including neutral or positive ones.
Ask yourself: “If the worst does happen, what could I do next?”
Why It Helps: This technique builds mental flexibility and helps us stop catastrophizing. Instead of believing there’s only one outcome, we start to see a range of possibilities—many of which are not nearly as bad as we first imagined.
How Psychotherapy Can Help
Changing how we think isn’t always easy, and sometimes, we need guidance to break free from negative patterns. This is where psychotherapy can be incredibly beneficial. Therapists use techniques like the ones above to help individuals challenge extreme thinking, develop healthier perspectives, and build resilience in the face of adversity.
Therapy provides a safe space to explore our thoughts and emotions without judgment. A trained professional can help identify patterns that may be holding us back and introduce new ways of coping with challenges. Whether through cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), or other evidence-based approaches, psychotherapy empowers individuals to take control of their mental well-being.
Final Thoughts
Extreme thoughts can make life feel overwhelming, but by using these techniques, we can reshape the way we see our problems. The Pie Chart helps us share responsibility rather than taking all the blame, while the Sliding Scale reminds us that few things are truly “all bad.” Focusing on what’s still possible helps us shift from loss to opportunity, and exploring alternatives gives us the flexibility to see multiple outcomes.
Give these exercises a try the next time you find yourself stuck in extreme thinking. With practice, you’ll learn to approach challenges with greater clarity and resilience. And remember—our thoughts shape our emotions, so changing the way we think can truly change how we feel.
References
Cognitive Therapy Techniques
Pages 341 - 349
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