Techniques to Rethink Your Life: Embracing a More Positive Perspective

Chris Zhang
Jul 5
5 min read

Life often feels like a series of events that confirm the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves. For example, if you’ve developed a schema that you're "inferior," your life might seem to reinforce this idea. If you procrastinate, avoid challenges, or face rejection, these experiences may all feel completely in line with your belief that you're not good enough. This negative view of yourself can feel like the only logical explanation for why things have turned out the way they have.

However, what if you could view your life differently? Instead of using that negative schema as a lens to interpret everything, what if you adopted a more positive one? This shift could help you realize that the choices you've made—choices that reinforced your feelings of incompetence—might have been different if you'd held a more supportive and loving view of yourself. Changing your perspective on your past can be transformative. By imagining how you would have approached life with a more positive schema, you open the door to realizing how much impact our beliefs can have on our outcomes.

Rewriting Your Life Story with a More Positive Schema

One powerful way to explore this is by going back to your past and asking, “What if I had believed something more positive about myself?” For instance, let’s say you’ve lived with the schema of being "incompetent" and "unworthy." By imagining that you viewed yourself as "competent" and "worthy," you might see how different choices could have shaped your life. You might have taken on more challenging tasks in school, applied for jobs that felt like a stretch, or pursued relationships that were healthier and more fulfilling.

The key here is recognizing that our beliefs shape our decisions, and those decisions, in turn, shape the path we walk. For example, a person who thinks of themselves as “smart and capable” might be more likely to step up to opportunities and push past fears of failure. They might have studied harder, applied for more competitive positions, or chosen relationships where they felt valued. This positive schema becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Imagining a Different Childhood: The Power of Nurturing and Support

Another way to examine this is to consider how you would have developed if you had received more nurturing, reliable care from your parents or caregivers. Perhaps you grew up in an environment where you were criticized, dismissed, or neglected, and this has contributed to your current self-view. Imagine instead that your parents were truly supportive and affirming, telling you that you were valuable and capable.

How would this have changed your beliefs about yourself? With the love and encouragement that everyone needs, you might have felt more confident and worthy from the start. You might have made different choices in school, in work, or in your relationships. The simple realization that your past experiences—and the messages you received—created your schema can be eye-opening. It shows that you are not doomed by your past. In fact, you can start to change your future by adopting a more positive view of yourself and learning to care for yourself in the way that you might have needed as a child.

The Power of Revising Your Life Through Positive Schemas

The next step is to actively engage with your past from the perspective of your new, positive schema. Think back to key moments in your life: how might things have looked different if you’d held the belief that you were smart, capable, or deserving of success? How might your school life, career choices, relationships, and even your habits around health, exercise, and self-care have shifted if you thought more positively about yourself?

Let’s say you’re someone who struggled with procrastination or avoided challenges. Maybe you viewed those behaviors as signs of your incompetence. Now, with a more positive schema, you might see how those behaviors were actually a result of your self-doubt, not an inherent lack of ability. By adopting a healthier, more supportive schema, you can start to make different choices today, which in turn, will reinforce the idea that you are capable of growth.

Confronting the Source: Empty Chair Role Play

For example, let’s say you grew up with a parent who repeatedly told you that you were selfish for expressing your emotions. In this role play, you’d imagine that parent sitting in the empty chair, and you’d express everything you’ve been holding back: how wrong they were, how their actions hurt you, and how you feel about their treatment of you. This is a powerful exercise in asserting your truth.

When confronting your parents or others who’ve hurt you, it’s important to assert that their beliefs about you were inaccurate and unfair. For instance, you might say, “I’m not selfish at all. I took care of others, and it was never about me—it was about my love and care for those around me.” This challenge isn’t about changing the past; it's about reclaiming your power and acknowledging that their views do not define you.

Reclaiming Your Power and Moving Forward

Once you’ve spoken your truth, you can also reinforce that this person no longer has the power to shape your self-image. You can say things like, “You cannot hurt me anymore. Your words no longer control my life.” This helps you dismantle the power of those who contributed to the development of your negative schema.

By practicing these confrontations in the safety of a therapeutic environment, you can start to reframe the impact of those painful experiences. It’s not about pretending they didn’t happen, but about freeing yourself from their control and moving forward with a stronger sense of self.

This technique is best paired with writing a letter to the person who hurt you (see Form 10.7), as it deepens the emotional release and the power of your self-assertion.

Homework: Confronting the Source of Your Schema

Psychotherapy is a powerful tool for identifying and reshaping negative schemas that can hold us back. These deeply ingrained beliefs, often formed through early life experiences or trauma, shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world. In therapy, a skilled therapist helps you explore the origins of these beliefs, challenge their accuracy, and develop healthier, more adaptive perspectives. With the support of therapy, you can replace limiting beliefs with more empowering ones, which guide your future choices and self-image. Therapy also helps build emotional resilience by teaching you how to manage difficult emotions like shame, fear, and guilt that often accompany negative schemas. Perhaps most importantly, psychotherapy creates a space where you can practice self-compassion, learning to treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you might offer a loved one. Through this process, you begin to see your past not as a set of unchangeable truths, but as a stepping stone toward personal growth and a more empowered future.

In Summary

Whether you’re exploring how a positive schema might have changed your past or actively confronting the people who shaped your negative beliefs, the goal is the same: to free yourself from the past and move forward with a more positive, empowered view of yourself. Our schemas—whether positive or negative—guide our decisions and shape our reality. By challenging these beliefs and replacing them with healthier, more supportive ones, you open the door to a future full of growth, self-compassion, and possibility.