Understanding and Changing Old Patterns: A Guide to Healing Core Beliefs

Chris Zhang
Jun 28
3 min read

Sometimes we carry deep emotional patterns—called schemas—that shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world. These patterns usually begin in childhood and stick with us into adulthood, even when they no longer serve us. Healing these core beliefs is a powerful part of therapy, and it starts by first getting to know them, then gradually shifting them toward something more helpful and true.

Step One: Finding Your "Why" for Change

If you want to change a belief that’s been with you for a long time, it's helpful to understand why you want that change. In therapy, we explore the costs of staying stuck in an old pattern—how it’s hurting you—and the benefits of breaking free from it. We also look at your current coping styles: Are you avoiding pain? Are you pushing people away without realizing it? Once you start to see the impact these patterns have, motivation to change grows.

For example, someone with a "Defectiveness" schema might constantly expect others to reject them. They may try to hide parts of themselves out of fear. But what if changing that belief could open the door to deeper, more genuine relationships?

Step Two: Connecting the Dots to the Past

Schemas usually started early in life. In therapy, we gently explore how your unmet emotional needs as a child may have planted the seeds for certain patterns. You might look at painful memories, early relationships, or critical moments that shaped how you feel about yourself.

This part of the process is about compassionate understanding. The goal isn’t to blame the past—it’s to understand it so you can start making different choices now. Often, this work involves emotional imagery or writing exercises that help connect current struggles to past experiences.

Step Three: Giving Your Younger Self What Was Missing

Many people never received the support, protection, or love they needed when they were young. In therapy, we may use techniques that allow you to "reparent" your younger self—offering the care you didn’t get back then. This is where deep healing happens.

These exercises can be surprisingly moving. By imagining your adult self stepping in to meet your childhood needs, you start to shift the way you experience those early wounds. Over time, this begins to weaken the grip those old beliefs have on your life.

Step Four: Building New Beliefs and Habits

Once you’ve understood the roots of your schema and provided healing support to your younger self, it’s time to create new patterns. This part of therapy focuses on building beliefs and behaviors that align with your real values and needs—not old fears.

We might challenge the old messages in your head, practice new behaviors, and experiment with more fulfilling ways of relating to others. As you take these steps, your life begins to reflect your growth—not just your history.

How Therapy Supports the Healing Process

You don’t have to go through this journey alone. Psychotherapy offers a safe, supportive space where you can explore these patterns at your own pace. A trained therapist can help you identify your core beliefs, understand where they come from, and guide you in changing them in a way that feels authentic and manageable.

What’s powerful about therapy is that it's not just about talking—it’s about experiencing change. Through methods like imagery, role-play, journaling, and guided reflection, you can begin to rewire emotional responses that have been stuck for years. Over time, these small but consistent shifts lead to lasting transformation.

Your therapist becomes a partner in your healing—a steady presence who helps you navigate the hard parts while celebrating your progress. Together, you’ll work to replace old, painful patterns with ones that support your well-being, confidence, and connection to others.

Healing deep-rooted beliefs is a journey. It takes courage, self-compassion, and consistent work—but it’s absolutely possible. The more you understand your emotional patterns and how they developed, the more empowered you become to create lasting change.

References:

Cognitive Therapy Techniques

Pages: 392 - 402