When families are struggling, it can feel like everyone is drifting apart. Communication becomes harder, and emotions seem to be misunderstood or ignored. That’s where Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) can help. EFFT is a type of therapy that focuses on reconnecting family members by understanding their emotions and attachment needs. Before starting this type of therapy, the therapist needs to do an assessment. The assessment is a critical step in understanding what is going on within the family and how to best help them. In this blog, we’ll explore what an assessment in EFFT looks like, why it’s important, and what the therapist is looking for during this process. We’ll also explain how understanding attachment and emotional bonds can help families heal and grow stronger.
What is an Assessment in EFFT?
An assessment in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy is when the therapist works with the family to understand their feelings, struggles, and relationships. This step helps the therapist get a clear picture of the family dynamics—how family members relate to each other emotionally, what kind of attachment they have, and how their past experiences shape their current relationships.
EFFT is built on the idea that attachment is a key part of human relationships. Attachment refers to the deep emotional bonds we form with people we love and trust. These bonds, especially between parents and children, play a big role in how we feel about ourselves and others. If these bonds are strong and healthy, people feel secure and loved. If the bonds are weak or broken, people can feel rejected, isolated, or unloved.
In the assessment, the therapist will look at how family members are connected emotionally. They’ll listen closely to what each person says about their relationships, their needs, and their fears. The therapist also asks questions to help uncover the deeper emotions that may not always be expressed openly.
Why is the Assessment Important?
The assessment helps the therapist identify the key issues in the family’s relationships. It’s like a detective figuring out what’s going wrong and how to fix it. Without this step, the therapist would not fully understand the emotional struggles each family member is facing. By knowing exactly what’s going on, the therapist can guide the family in a way that helps everyone feel heard, supported, and connected. One of the main things the therapist is looking for during the assessment is attachment insecurities. These are situations where people feel unsafe or unsure in their relationships. For example, if a child feels like their parent is emotionally distant or unavailable, the child may feel anxious or rejected. If a parent feels like they can’t reach or connect with their child, they may become frustrated or helpless. Identifying these emotional insecurities helps the therapist create a plan to address them and build stronger, healthier relationships.
How Does the Therapist Assess Family Dynamics?
The therapist uses a variety of techniques to understand the family’s emotional world. These techniques are designed to help the family open up, express their feelings, and explore how their emotions affect their interactions.
Here are some of the main techniques used in the assessment:
Empathic Reflection: The therapist listens carefully to what each family member says and reflects it back in a way that shows understanding. For example, if one person expresses sadness or frustration, the therapist might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling hurt because your needs aren’t being met.” This helps the family member feel heard and validated.
Normalization: The therapist helps family members understand that their emotional struggles are common and not something to be ashamed of. If a parent feels guilty for not connecting with their child, the therapist might explain that many parents face similar challenges, especially when they themselves have unresolved emotional issues.
Evocative Questions: The therapist asks thoughtful questions that encourage the family to dig deeper into their feelings. For example, the therapist might ask, “What was going through your mind when you felt ignored?” or “How did you feel when you saw your family member withdraw?” These questions help uncover emotions that might be difficult to express.
Enactments: In some cases, the therapist may ask family members to role-play or act out situations they have experienced. For example, a parent might pretend to have a conversation with their child to better understand how their words and actions make the child feel. This helps family members see things from each other’s perspectives.
Reframing: The therapist helps the family reframe problems in a way that focuses on attachment needs rather than blaming or criticizing each other. For example, if a child feels abandoned, the therapist might explain that the child’s behavior is a reaction to feeling disconnected, not because they are “bad” or “misbehaving.” This shift in perspective helps reduce conflict and opens the door for more compassionate communication.
The Importance of Attachment in EFFT
One of the most important parts of EFFT is understanding attachment—the deep emotional bond that connects family members. Attachment forms early in life, especially between parents and children, and it affects how we relate to others throughout our lives. People with secure attachments feel safe, loved, and supported, while those with insecure attachments may struggle with feelings of anxiety, fear, or rejection.
In EFFT, the therapist focuses on helping family members strengthen their emotional bonds by addressing any attachment insecurities. The goal is to help each person feel emotionally safe, understood, and connected to the others in the family. This process can help reduce anxiety, frustration, and hurt feelings, allowing family members to communicate more effectively and build healthier relationships.
For example, if a parent feels like they’re not doing a good job connecting with their child, the therapist will help the parent understand that the child’s behavior is not a reflection of the parent’s failure, but rather a sign that the child’s emotional needs are not being met. By focusing on these attachment needs, the therapist can help the parent and child start rebuilding their emotional connection.
The Benefits of EFFT and the Assessment Process
The assessment is just the beginning of the process, but it’s an essential part of the healing journey. Once the therapist understands the emotional struggles and attachment needs of each family member, they can guide the family through exercises and techniques to improve their relationships. Over time, family members begin to communicate more openly, respond to each other’s emotional needs, and develop healthier patterns of behavior.
The benefits of EFFT include:
Improved Communication: Family members learn to express their emotions in healthy ways, which helps reduce misunderstandings and arguments.
Stronger Emotional Bonds: By addressing attachment needs, family members can reconnect and form stronger emotional ties.
Increased Empathy: Family members become more understanding of each other’s feelings and experiences, leading to greater compassion and support.
Better Problem-Solving: With improved communication and emotional understanding, families become better at solving problems together.
Conclusion
Assessment in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy is a crucial step in helping families heal and reconnect. By understanding each family member’s emotions and attachment needs, the therapist can create a plan to help the family improve their relationships. The ultimate goal of EFFT is to help families feel more emotionally connected, supported, and understood, leading to healthier, happier relationships. If you or your family is going through a tough time, EFFT may offer the tools and support you need to build stronger emotional bonds and work through challenges together.
Resources: Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, couples, and Families
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