What Is Distress Tolerance — And Why It Matters in Everyday Life

Chris Zhang
Sep 6
3 min read

Imagine this: You wake up feeling refreshed, savor your favorite breakfast, and the commute is smooth. Then, out of nowhere, your manager calls you in and tells you you’ve been laid off.

Life can turn on a dime. No matter how much we try to plan and control things, emotional crises are a normal part of being human. When difficult moments hit—whether it's job loss, a breakup, or overwhelming stress—we experience intense emotions like fear, anger, sadness, or anxiety. That’s where distress tolerance comes in.

What is Distress Tolerance?

Distress tolerance is your ability to manage emotional pain—without making things worse. It doesn’t mean you avoid the pain. It means you learn how to cope with it skillfully. You build the tools to ride the emotional waves instead of getting pulled under.

These skills are a core part of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a therapeutic approach that helps people regulate emotions, improve relationships, and manage distress. DBT teaches that even while working on deeper emotional healing, life still throws us curveballs—and we need ways to get through those moments.

3 Types of Distress Tolerance Skills

DBT divides distress tolerance into three categories: Crisis Survival, Reality Acceptance, and Building Tolerance Over Time. Here’s how they work:

🌪️ 1. Crisis Survival Skills

These are quick tools to help you get through overwhelming emotions in the moment. They’re not for solving the problem, but for helping you avoid making it worse (like lashing out or shutting down).

Cost-Benefit Analysis: Weigh the short- and long-term effects of harmful behaviors (like yelling, drinking, or avoidance).
Distracting Activities: Create a list of fun or engaging things to do when you’re overwhelmed. Think: music, TV, puzzles, or calling a friend.
The RESISTT Technique: A DBT acronym for coping with urges: Reframe your situation, Engage in another activity, Stay mindful, etc.
Grounding Techniques: Use your five senses to pull yourself back into the present. Look around the room and name five things you can see, feel, hear, etc.
TIPP: A powerful tool that uses Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, and Progressive Muscle Relaxation to regulate your nervous system.

🌿 2. Accepting Reality as It Is

Acceptance doesn’t mean you like what’s happening—it means you stop fighting reality, which often only adds to your suffering.

Willingness vs. Willfulness: Willingness means being open and flexible; willfulness is when we resist or shut down.
Radical Acceptance: Fully accepting what’s happening, without judgment. You stop saying “this shouldn’t be happening” and start asking “what now?”
Living Through Values: Align your actions with your values—what really matters to you—even when life is painful.

💪 3. Building Long-Term Tolerance

This is about becoming more emotionally resilient over time.

Recognizing Emotional Crises: Learn to notice early warning signs of distress so you can intervene sooner.
Daily Practice: Use distress tolerance tools regularly—even during calm periods—to build your emotional “muscle.”

How to Use These Skills in Everyday Life

You don’t need to be in therapy to start practicing distress tolerance. Here are a few ways to use these tools in real life:

Move Your Body: Walk around the block, dance to your favorite song, or do a few jumping jacks. Physical movement is a great way to release emotional energy.
Volunteer or Help Someone Else: Helping others can shift your focus away from your own distress and provide a sense of purpose.
Practice Self-Soothing: Use calming scents, warm baths, soft music, or comforting touch (like wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket).
Daily Affirmations: Choose simple phrases like “I’m stronger than I feel” or “I can get through this” and repeat them often.
Mindfulness and Breathing: Even five minutes a day of mindful breathing can make a big difference in how you respond to stress.

Worksheets, Therapy & Real Progress

If you’re working with a therapist (or even just on your own), printable DBT worksheets can help reinforce what you're learning. They make abstract concepts more concrete, help track progress, and offer space for self-reflection. Many therapists use them in sessions and as homework to support long-term growth.

Final Thoughts

Distress tolerance is not about avoiding hard feelings. It’s about learning how to sit with discomfort without letting it take control. By practicing these skills, you become more grounded, less reactive, and better able to handle whatever life throws your way.

You won’t always feel okay—and that’s okay. What matters is having tools to help you get through the storm safely.

Want to start practicing? Try grounding yourself with your senses right now: What can you see, hear, feel, smell, or taste in this moment?

You’re already on your way.

References

Dialectical Behavior Therapy. (2024, October 15). Distress Tolerance : Dialectical Behavior Therapy. https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/