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Perfectionism: When High Standards Start to Work Against You


Wanting to do your best can be a positive quality. High standards can motivate us, help us grow, and encourage us to take pride in what we do. But when the pressure to be perfect becomes constant, it can start to affect our confidence, relationships, work, and overall wellbeing.

Perfectionism is not simply about wanting things to be done well. It can involve setting extremely demanding standards for yourself and tying your sense of self-worth to whether you meet those standards. The Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) describes perfectionism as a pattern where people continue pursuing demanding standards even when doing so has negative consequences.

What Does Perfectionism Look Like?

Perfectionism can be easy to overlook because it often looks like ambition, responsibility, or being hardworking.

You might notice yourself:

  • Setting standards that feel almost impossible to meet

  • Becoming extremely self-critical when you make a mistake

  • Spending excessive amounts of time checking or correcting your work

  • Avoiding tasks because you are afraid you won't do them well

  • Comparing yourself to others

  • Feeling like your accomplishments are never enough

  • Struggling to accept anything less than your "best"

  • Feeling guilty when you rest or take time for yourself

You may even receive praise for being successful while privately feeling exhausted by the pressure to keep achieving.

When Do High Standards Become Perfectionism?

Having high standards isn't necessarily a problem. The difference is often in how flexible those standards are and what happens when you don't meet them.

Healthy high standards might sound like:

"I want to do a good job, and I'll learn from mistakes along the way."

Perfectionistic standards can sound more like:

"If I make a mistake, I've failed."

The Centre for Clinical Interventions emphasizes that the goal of overcoming perfectionism isn't to give up high standards completely. Instead, it's about learning to pursue healthy, flexible standards rather than standards that negatively affect your life.

How Perfectionism Can Affect Your Mental Health

The pressure to constantly achieve can become exhausting. When your self-worth depends heavily on meeting your own expectations, even small mistakes can feel much bigger than they really are.

Perfectionism may contribute to:


Anxiety and Constant Worry

You may spend a significant amount of time worrying about making mistakes, disappointing others, or not meeting expectations. Your mind may constantly look for things that could go wrong.


Procrastination

Perfectionism and procrastination can go hand in hand. If you believe something has to be done perfectly, starting can feel intimidating.

You might think:

"What's the point of starting if I can't do this perfectly?"

As a result, you delay the task, feel guilty about delaying it, and become even more stressed. CCI specifically notes that some people with perfectionism put off starting tasks because they worry they won't be able to complete them perfectly.


Low Self-Esteem

When achievements become the main way you measure your worth, it can be difficult to feel good about yourself when things don't go according to plan.

You may accomplish something you've worked hard for and immediately think about what you could have done better.


Burnout

Constantly trying to meet unrealistic expectations leaves little room for rest. You may feel like you always need to be productive, improve, or accomplish more.

Over time, this pressure can leave you emotionally and physically exhausted.

The Perfectionism Cycle

Perfectionism can become a cycle that is difficult to break.

You set an extremely high standard → worry about making mistakes → work excessively or avoid the task → temporarily feel relief when the task is completed or avoided → criticize yourself for not doing better → set an even higher standard next time.

CCI's model of perfectionism describes a similar cycle involving unrelenting standards, perfectionistic behaviours, self-criticism, and continually resetting standards even after achieving them.

The difficult part is that perfectionism can sometimes feel rewarding. Meeting a demanding standard may provide temporary relief or a sense of accomplishment. But that relief can reinforce the belief that you must continue performing at that level.

How Can You Start Letting Go of Perfectionism?

Overcoming perfectionism doesn't mean becoming careless or lowering your standards in every area of your life. It means learning to be more flexible with yourself.

Here are a few places to start:


Challenge "All-or-Nothing" Thinking

Notice words like always, never, must, and should.

Instead of thinking, "I must get this completely right," try asking:

"What would good enough look like here?"


Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes

Mistakes are uncomfortable, but they don't automatically mean you've failed. Try viewing mistakes as information rather than evidence that you're not good enough.


Set More Realistic Standards

Ask yourself whether the standard you're setting is realistic, necessary, and sustainable.

Would you expect someone you care about to meet the same standard?


Notice Your Perfectionistic Behaviours

You might repeatedly check your work, spend excessive time preparing, avoid starting tasks, or constantly seek reassurance.

Identifying these behaviours is an important first step toward changing them. CCI recommends gradually reducing perfectionistic behaviours and using behavioural experiments to test the fears that keep perfectionism going.


Separate Your Worth From Your Achievements

You are more than your grades, career, appearance, productivity, or accomplishments.

Learning to build a sense of self-worth around a broader range of qualities — including relationships, values, kindness, and personal growth — can help create a healthier relationship with achievement.

You Don't Have to Be Perfect at Overcoming Perfectionism

One of the hardest parts of working on perfectionism is that you may try to do it perfectly, too.

Remember that progress doesn't require getting everything right. The goal is not to stop caring or stop trying. It's to create enough flexibility that mistakes, rest, and imperfection no longer feel like threats to your sense of worth.

When Can Therapy Help With Perfectionism?

If perfectionism is affecting your relationships, work, school, self-esteem, or ability to enjoy your life, talking with a therapist may help.

Therapy can give you a space to explore where your expectations come from, recognize unhelpful thinking patterns, and develop healthier ways of responding to mistakes and setbacks.

You don't have to wait until perfectionism becomes overwhelming. If you're constantly feeling like you're not doing enough or never quite good enough, that may be worth exploring.

Finding Support for Perfectionism in Markham

You can have high standards and still give yourself room to be human. Therapy can help you work toward that balance without giving up the goals and values that matter to you.

At Reflections Psychotherapy, we provide warm, supportive therapy in Markham for individuals struggling with anxiety, self-esteem, stress, perfectionism, and other emotional challenges.

If perfectionism has started to take more from your life than it gives, visit Reflections Psychotherapy to learn more or book a free 15-minute consultation.

Reference

Centre for Clinical Interventions. Perfectionism: Perfectionism in Perspective. CCI Perfectionism Resources

 
 
 

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