Stepping Out of Social Anxiety – How I Think I Appear to Others
- Chris Zhang
- 12 minutes ago
- 2 min read
When social anxiety shows up, many people assume their anxiety is highly visible — that others can easily see every shake, blush, pause, or stumble. Module 7 of Stepping Out of Social Anxiety explores this powerful habit of negative self-imagery and how it keeps social anxiety alive. By learning to question these assumptions — and by testing them through behavioural experiments — you can build a more realistic and compassionate view of how you come across to others.
🌱 1. When Feelings Become “Facts”
Social anxiety often makes us believe, “If I feel anxious, I must look anxious. ”You might imagine blushing intensely, stuttering, shaking, or losing your words — even when others barely notice anything. This internal image becomes a “mental mirror,” shaped more by fear than reality. Research shows that people with social anxiety overestimate how visible their symptoms are and underestimate how well they actually perform. Understanding this gap between feeling and appearance is the first step toward easing anxiety.
🧠 2. Why Negative Self-Imagery Keeps Anxiety Going
These internal images don’t just feel unpleasant — they actively maintain anxiety by:
• Increasing perceived social threat: If you believe your anxiety is obvious, every social situation feels risky or embarrassing.
• Boosting self-focused attention: Worrying about how you look pulls your focus inward, making you notice every physical sensation and amplifying it.
• Fueling avoidance: Fears like “Everyone will see how nervous I am” can push you to escape or avoid situations — preventing you from discovering what’s actually true.
🎥 3. Testing How You Actually Appear
One of the most powerful ways to challenge negative self-imagery is through a behavioural experiment using video feedback. Recording yourself while anxious — during a brief speech, a conversation, or a meeting — helps you directly compare:
• What you predicted (e.g., “I’ll look like I’m shaking uncontrollably”)
• What actually happened (often far milder or not noticeable at all)
Video allows for clear, objective evidence that your mind may be exaggerating the visibility of your anxiety. Watching it back several times helps reduce the “yuck factor” and makes the feedback more believable.
🔍 4. What You Learn Can Be Freeing
Realizing that your anxiety isn’t nearly as visible as you imagined can create profound change:
Less fear of being judged
More willingness to speak, participate, or try new things
Reduced self-monitoring
Increased confidence in your natural presence
When you see yourself through a more accurate lens, you’re less controlled by the fear of how you think you appear — and more able to show up authentically.
🌤️ Moving Forward
Negative self-imagery is powerful, but it isn’t permanent. With curiosity, experimentation, and objective feedback, you can update old assumptions and build a more compassionate and realistic picture of yourself. Each experiment is a step toward experiencing social situations with more confidence, freedom, and ease.
Citation:
Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI). Stepping Out of Social Anxiety: Negative Self-
Imagery. Perth, Western Australia: CCI, Department of Health WA.
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